How to Get Hired

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How do you get a job when you’re pretty sure no one is looking at your application materials, but you know you would be a bomb-ass employee? Conventional wisdom says the solution is networking. This girl’s wisdom says the answer is to create a sandwich board announcing to the world how good at stuff you are, and then to wear that around New York until some lucky company picks you up and you save their business with your awesomeness, smartness and niceness.

To help you get a head start on your own employment sandwich board, we have provided you with an example below:

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We guarantee that a well-made employment sandwich board will land you a job within 56 hours of wear*! Employers love sandwich boards stating how good you are, because 1) sandwich boards are very trustworthy, 2) they subtly show off your english language skills and, 3) they totally bypass the need to sort through resumes without being able to put a face to a name! When you wear your sandwich board, your face is right...